08.30.07
New Job.
I started my new job today. For those of you who think that being an author is a glamorous job, think again. It isn’t a job. Unless you appear on Richard & Judy or Oprah, chances are you’re still working the coalface every day.
Or in my case the chalkface.
It was like the first day of school. Oh wait! It was the first day of school. But instead of being the nervous new kid, I was the pathetically similarly and much older version, a nervous new teacher.
I have a plan on these kinds of days. As throwing up was not an option (unprofessional), I resorted to the trusty “try not to speak to anyone and then you won’t make a complete ass of yourself” plan.
I have a theory that later they will get to know me, when I’m less likely to blurt out something like, “Hey, once I tried to staple-gun my finger to the desk!” Which by the way, is not true, but just the kind of thing that would come out of my mouth.
I also have a tendency to say really offensive things I don’t even mean when nervous like, “I could never live in this area, it’s too (insert: polluted, pretentious).” This is inevitably followed by someone saying, “I live two doors down. My family not only own every house in the neighbourhood, they actually built them.”
Incidentally, everyone at my new school was very nice. They were so lovely.
And maybe one day soon, I’ll even start speaking to them.
